I'm Waiting For Christmas Too

I keep waiting for the moment BO dashes from the White House and leaps into a phone booth amid a flash of blinding light then bursts back outside wearing His Superman suit and flies up up up into space and starts rocketing around the world faster than a speeding bullet again and again so Earth revolves backwards and He throws on his brakes and skids to a halt and kicks a satellite (Star Wars Defense, of course) and switches direction and flies around the world faster than a speeding bullet again and again so Earth starts spinning forward again and He swoops down from outer space and dives into the Gulf and plummets to the bottom and arrives just as the Deep Horizon explodes and sinks and He catches the falling pipeline and twists it into a giant pretzel He shoves into the seabed to plug my damned hole.

Maybe he's waiting for Christmas too.

Mr. President: Plug Your Own Damn Hole

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM BARACK OBAMA'S OIL SPILL'S BLOG

The federal government hasn't a damned thing to do with shutting me down, and, frankly, if they did, they'd screw it up so badly I'd probably be much worse, no doubt fouling the Gulf, Atlantic, and Pacific simultaneously.

For the pResident to go around acting like a big shot, telling people to 'plug that damn hole,' is the ultimate in stoooopid. It's like he's trying to order the sun to shine harder. Frankly, he ought to plug his own damn hole. He'd instantly cool the planet by at least 10 degrees.

I would just like to be left alone.

If my employer hadn't given so much money to Obama over the past 20 years, maybe they would have been able to afford to hire the right people to keep me in the ground. Really, I'd much rather stay under the seabed where it's nice and comfortable. You think I wanted to be the latest number one priority that kept Obama from focusing on jobs jobs jobs?"

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to ruining a presidency.

But do check back in daily, while I keep my boot on the Regime's throat.