The Rhyme of the Ancient Oil Spill

Hour after hour, hour after hour,
I gush, with unquenchable devotion;
As idle BO takes golfing tours
Without care or sensible notion.

Oil, oil, everywhere,
And all the Regime did shrink;
Oil, oil, everywhere,
As their futures began to sink.

-- BO's OilSpillBlog

I'm getting really scared. BO had the Coast Guard send my employer a nasty letter over the weekend, telling BP they had 48 hours to pick up the pace of collecting my sludge ... OR ELSE! They didn't say what else is, of course, but I suspect it means BO is going to kick some ass. That's the BO Regime, always specific with the rhetoric.

I still don't know why the letter didn't begin with the words "let me be clear." After all, even more so than BP, the BO Regime is probably the world's most qualified group of experts ... in making a bad situation worse.

Then BO got really tough ... He compared me to September 11th, 2001. I felt so down after that one, I doubled production and worked on fracturing the Gulf sea bed beyond repair.

For the coup de grace, yesterday BO went golfing for 4 hours, continuing His incredibly unwavering display of steadfast leadership in this time of crisis for the communities around the Gulf.

When BO stops by to see me today, and has His great photo op for the week, I'll have to ask Him if He understands that I'm a hell of an albatross around His neck.

I Am In COMPLETE Control

When BO and my employer, Tony "I'd Like my Life Back" Hayward, likely meet next week, they'll take turns chasing each other around the resolute desk, kicking each other's ass.

But first they'll compare their degrees from Narcissism University.

Which must be nice, thinking only about yourself. Here I am, spewing on Day 54 like a volcano and no one is in charge, no one is doing anything for the out-of-work fishing industry, no one is helping Louisiana and Mississippi and Alabama and, now, Florida, keep me from staining their beaches and ruining their tourism incomes, like I'm staining and ruining BO's presidency.

The talk goes on and on and on, just like me, but nothing gets done. Another month of this, and BO's approval rating will be Less than Zero, and my employer will be living out of a dumpster.

Sure, BO has talked to the experts, so he knows whose ass to kick, but, in true BO MO, He misrepresented what those experts said, so He could stop all off-shore drilling for the rest of the year.

That's life under the Disaster in Chief. The Gulf dies and the president lies. Maybe he can't suck me all up with a straw, but he sucks nonetheless. He's like the Energizer Bunny of suck ... He keeps sucking and sucking and sucking and ... . He sucks so badly He now has His own Captain Suck-Ass action figure. It comes complete with no balls.

I'll leave you with this, because I have work to do; keeping my boot on the throat of the Regime is a full-time job:

Responding to my last post, Guy Average wrote ... "I wish you had a chance to become refined, but since The Left does not like the appearance of oil rigs close enough to shore so that a spill could easily be contained, I guess you are just going to remain out of control."

He's spot on with the first part, but that last bit is dead wrong.

I am in control. Complete control.

UPDATE: Thanks to Doug Ross for the oil love, and a late thank you to King Shamus.