I'm Just a Spill

BO: OOF! You sure gotta climb a lot of steps to get to this Capitol Building here in Washington. I think I'll go golfing instead. But I wonder who that sad 700 gazillion barrel plume of black liquid is out there in the Gulf?

I'm just a spill.
Yes, I'm only a spill.
And I'm bearing down on Capitol Hill.
Well, it's a long, long way
Until BO can leave this morass.
It's a long, long wait
While He looks to kick someone's ass.
But I know I'll bring Him ruin someday
At least I hope and pray that I will,
But today I am still just a spill.

BO: Gee, Spill, you certainly have a lot of potential to tar-ball my presidency.

Spill: Well I got this far. When I started, I wasn't even a spill, I was just the second largest oil deposit in the world. Some folks back home decided they wanted gasoline in their cars and lights in their homes, but they didn't want it to come from their backyard, so they called their local Congressman and he said, "You're right, there oughta be a law to push drilling way off shore." Then they made my employer come find me. But there was an accident, and no one knew how to fix me because I was a mile under the sea. And I became a spill, and I'll remain a spill until your people decide to come for you because they know you haven't a clue about what you're doing.

I'm just a spill.
Yes, I'm only a spill.
And I'm bearing down on Capitol Hill.
Well, it's a long, long way
Until BO can leave this morass.
It's a long, long wait
While He looks to kick someone's ass.
But I know I'll bring Him ruin someday
At least I hope and pray that I will,
But today I am still just a spill.

BO: Listen to the American people arguing! Is all that discussion and debate about me?

Spill: Yeah, you're one of the unlucky ones. Most community organizers never even get a chance to look for crisis in opportunity ... but you don't even know what to do with it. In a way, I kinda hope they never find a way to cap me, so that someone might stand up and yell “You Lie!”

BO: Lie?

Spill: Yeah, as in YOU lie to the American people. You know, like when you said it was your responsibility to fix me, what, with all your geophysics qualifications. Oooh, but it looks like I'm gonna live! BP just put a soft cap on me and I'm still gushing like a volcano!

I'm just a spill.
Yes, I'm only a spill.
And I'm bearing down on Capitol Hill.
Well, it's a long, long way
Until BO can leave this morass.
It's a long, long wait
While He looks to kick someone's ass.
But I know I'll bring Him ruin someday
At least I hope and pray that I will,
But today I am still just a spill.

BO: You mean even if I bow to the whole world no one will take me seriously? My simply being great won't be enough to plug your damn hole?

SPILL: Yes, that's called a libtard. If the President is a libtard, he'll dither and dawdle and sing Beatles songs with an aging hippie while I bathe the coastline with my oily sheen and put people out of work during a time when your country needs jobs jobs jobs more than they need a pretender in office.

BO: By that time it's very likely you'll be sloshing at the door to my office. It's not easy to screw up a presidency, is it?

Spill: No!
But how I hope and I pray that I will,
But today I am still just a spill.

Congressman: The people voted, Spill! Now you're a legend!

Spill: Oh yes!!!

UPDATE: Special thanks to Doug Ross and Weasel Zippers and The Reaganite Republican and NoisyRoom for showing the spill some love. Not everyone is looking for an ass to kick.