Saturday, June 5, 2010

I'm With James Cameron: BO Is a Moron

Forgive my absence yesterday, but I've been so busy ruining a presidency I hardly had time to blog. It's been a whirlwind, really. The BP robots finished my vasectomy, then put a broken condom on my pipe. BP seems to think they're going to capture most of me, but geophysicists are quietly saying I will eventually make Chernobyl look like a lightning strike. That's because I'm still gushing, and could be for years. If BO and BP had just asked, I could have told them that snip and cap will end up like Massachusetts electing Scott Brown to stop Obamacare. You can't stop me; you can only hope to contain me.

Meanwhile, that movie director, James Cameron, has been making some noise. First he says he offered to help BP fight me, only to be “graciously” refused. Then he called the people in charge of plugging my damn hole morons. Afterward, BO said this on Larry King's Still Alive! on Thursday -- “My job is to solve this problem.” I'm with Cameron: BO is a moron.

I'll give you the real scoop on Cameron's offer. An expert on underwater filming (last I checked my employer had a pretty good handle on this aspect of the crisis), Cameron offered to send three-dimensional horse-faced blue animations to the bottom of the Gulf, but BP didn't think it would help. Then he offered to buy a tanker of little blue pills to plug my damn hole. I'm really glad BP declined because, if you've seen any of the action on my web cam, my libido is still pretty powerful. Just think of the trouble BP would have on its hands right now for running the world's most popular porn cam.

So then, smart guy that he is, Cameron gave all the little blue pills to the Oval Office. I've since heard that in the past few days alone Larry Sinclair signed the White House guest register more times than Andy Stern. Cameron, instead, has decided to start production on his next movie, predictably about BO and me. It will be called Dereliction of Duty.

Not that BO isn't trying. He made another visit to Louisiana yesterday and rolled up his sleeves so he could make me all about him, shedding his visage of collected cool in crisis to declare in anger: “We'll keep on coming back until we have dealt with an unprecedented crisis.”

"We," of course, meaning "me." Him, always with the me, myself, and I.

Last I saw, BO was jetting off to Cauli-for-nia on Air Force One, where in-flight staff served him tar ball shots.


  1. Oil Spill, you deserve a rest now and then. It's such hard word bringing down a lying POS potus. I'm starting to like Cameron more now that he knows obummer is a moron! I knew that 4 years ago.

    I heard that Cameron will save money on casting the lead for his
    new movie "dereliction of duty". He'll just use a dog turd. BO will be crying, because he'll really need a job.

  2. Oil Spill, you are one tenacious bastard.

    Are you sure Karl Rove didn't put you up to this?

  3. Mr. Spill, I'm so glad to hear your libido is OK. Those blue pills can be scary. After all, you could be standing at attention for more than four hours and need to call a doctor.

    Go easy on Obama. Turds aren't really too bright.

  4. Well, Oil Spill, it looks like you're going to be with us for a while. When it's time, what is the address for us to send you Christmas Cards? You can't start planning too early these days.

  5. Great post! The little oil spill in the Gulf is nothing compared to the huge spill that covers the entire nation. The pollution coming from BO's mouth is by far the greatest and most dangerous of the two.

  6. Spill, you have a great blog here. To think that I'd find myself in agreement with James Cameron...

  7. Great Post! Oil spill thanks for showing the Left that BO is a moron. Looks like because of this administration's incompetence your going to be with us for a long while.

  8. Oil spill you are so masculine there is no need for little blue pills for you.

  9. Mr. Spill, you make the most eloquently stated points. I heard Rahm Immanuel wants to replace press secretary "I'm a PC" Gibbs. (yes I know it's wrong to make fun of those that are genetically inferior but I can't help it.) Gibbs couldn't sell porn magazines to prison inmates but every day he tries to make excuses for the pResident.
    THAT'S IT.....why don't we shove Gibbs into the pipe. He's fat enough to plug that leak. FL Gov. Charlie Crist says Gibbs is good at plugging holes!

  10. "Reading this post made me want to touch myself."

    -Anonymous Hole

  11. “My job is to solve this problem.”

    Well get to solving them barry, times a wasting, why is it still gushing then, solve it barry or admit you're really just useless and can't do a damn thing right.